Forbes—the magazine dedicated to making sure we all know exactly how little we have compared to Wall Street slugs and ridiculously overpaid bank CEOs—has just released it's annual Ten Most Miserable Cities in the US report. Wow. Thanks. This list is so very important, so relevant and just in time for suicide season! Just in case anyone living in Stockton(#1) or Modesto CA, or Flint MI, or Cleveland OH was out on the ledge of a tall, ugly, condemned building (but not a skyscraper, because those cities aren't cool enough to have glamourous skyscrapers) wondering whether to jump and forever escape the intolerable pain of their floundering 401Ks and upside down mortgages and bratty kids, well... Forbes is whispering in your ear "do it." Because your town sucks. Look, here's all the reasons why it sucks so much. Jump!
So, Stockton had no problem securing the #1 spot... the official Worst Place in America. The best place, apparently, to lose your job, to lose your house, to start drinking heavily, to kick your neighbor's dog when he's not looking. Hey, I get it. I lived there for about 20 years, and I complained about it. And I moved away. And I'm not going back. But does anyone really need Forbes to tazer them when they're already down? Do the uber-wealthy really need printed assurance that every person in the combined populations of those ten cities is jealous of them, their private jet, their posh country club, and their vacation home(s) on the manicured fringe of Heaven? No.
So, how about this? How about MY list... my list of the Ten Things I Enjoyed Most About Growing Up In Stockton; a celebration of the simple things that might (probably) matter the most.
1. You could ride your bike all over town.
2. There were about 27 places to go swimming; neighborhood pools, back yard pools, The Delta, relatively clean lakes and trout-producing rivers. We swam every day.
3. We played golf every Sunday.
4. Genova Bakery, my grandfather's bakery... a historic landmark, producer of the best simple French bread in Northern California.
5. My grandmother, producer of the best Italian food in my world. To this day, the best.
6. Mom taking me to hang out with my dad at the fire station.
7. My first girlfriend, Susan.
8. My best friend, Tom.
9. Fresh produce.
10. Good Mexican food.
11. Some really decent Mexicans.
There, that's eleven. Top ten THIS, Forbes bitches.
3 comments:
Dude, you should send your blog link to Forbes. They should be embarrassed by the inherent truth in your rant. If the wealthiest thieving bastards in this so-called equal opportunity nation can't even muster the spunk to enjoy their own misuse of all that they have extracted from humanity without having to actively pummel in the pulp pages of their pseudo-aristocratic news rag those from whom they probably stole it in the first place...
Well, fuuuuuuuuuck THEM.
I believe I will.
Loved your top ten list!!
Go Stockton!
It's lucky to have had you and your unique view of the world.
I think Stockton generated some VERY cool people!
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