It's ONLY 12 grand!

Those of you that know about my 20 year obsession with rare and historic snowboards and my storage space full of vintage sleds will understand why I am fascinated with this item, currently listed on ebay for a mere $12,000.00. This is not the first time I've seen a rare board listed in this price range, but this is the first time I think the product will actually fetch it. Because this thing is rare AND nearly perfect. Tune in on New Years Day and see what price is ultimately paid for this treasure so classic that JBC himself might be bidding on it.

It's another tequila sunrise...

  
  
Sometimes the planets align, and sometimes worlds collide. Last night happened to be the Las Olas surf crew holiday party, so we orbited town square until we arrived at the grand opening of SFTs new Tequila Bar. Featuring colonial art and over a hundred different brands of Mexico's favorite recreational beverage, it's a beautiful little spot to sip Clase Azul Ultra at $120 (dollars, not pesos) a shot. Oh, wait... recession. Right. Well, lets try Ultra's more reasonable little brother, Clase Azul Reposado, still slightly spicy and delicious, and only $12 a shot. Highlights included FREE tequila, mariachis, free tequila, fireworks, free tequila, proprietor Alberto breaking a bottle on the wall to christen the place, more free tequila, and uh... what? "Hey, we should get something to eat. Soon." 

Icing on the cake

After a full season stacked with victories, and a beyond-record 9th World Championship Title in October, Kelly Slater punctuated his year with yet another win today, at the Pipeline Masters—the most prestigious event in professional surfing, and the last WCT stop of 2008. The door has been slammed shut. Again.

There will be those who say it's getting old (surf journalists, bored of writing the same story over and over). There will be those who say he's an overachiever (other competitors). And there will be those that say pro surfing isn't fun anymore (Irons). But the fact is that WCT surfing has never been more exciting, and being a witness to the miracle season of Slater in '08 is a special thing. What could possibly be better than a record 6th Pipe victory on the heels of a 9th World Title and all the prize money that goes with it? Um... how 'bout Gerry Lopez builds the trophy/surfboard and hands it to you, personally? Yeah, that would be it.

"It's a major award"

    

I'm one of those people that doesn't win contests. Probably has a lot to do with never entering any contests. But a few months ago I was flipping through an issue of Surfing Magazine, and decided to respond to their 'Theme Issue Challenge'... basically, choose the editorial theme for an upcoming issue. I was more interested in pretending to be a surf magazine editor than I was in the prize itself—a surfboard.

I suggested the 'Secrets' issue... secret surf spots, performance secrets from the pros, secret travel tips, etc. And today I was informed by Managing Editor Travis Ferre that I won. They are going to run the Secrets issue. What do I win? Apparently, one of Josh Kerr's custom Rusty surfboards. I don't know what I will do with a potato chip of a board, but I'll worry about that later. 

Thanks for BIG waves

 
(click images, because the thumbs don't do any sort of justice)

Seems like every time a huge winter swell hits the Monterey Peninsula, I'm down in Mexico surfing shoulder high 'fun' waves. I'm not complaining, and I'm certainly not paddling out into 25' faces, but it sure is exciting to stand on Carmel Point and watch quad-overhead bombs detonate within rock-throwing distance. Finally, this Thanksgiving weekend, my timing was good and I got to shoot some photos with a small pack of psychos out in very big waves, very clean conditions and good light. Now I'll fly to Mexico tomorrow and with any luck, catch this same swell down there... after it's lost most of it's size and strength.

Make an album with Ben Folds

 
For years, Ben Folds has been belting out some of the best and most original angst-loaded songs for college kids everywhere. Now they are giving it back. University a cappella groups are competing for a spot on a new BF album due out next year, and the entries are being posted on youtube for your listening and viewing (check the outfits) pleasure. Some are good, some are very good, and some are, uh... entertaining. UN-explicit Lyrics Warning: some of the swear words have been removed. I don't know why. Ba da dah, ba da dah, ba da dat dat dat duh...

BOSE QC2 + iTunes = restored sanity

When working in Mexico, I try to embrace as much of the culture as I can. It's a wonderful place full of many good things and experiences. One cultural asteroid I can't seem to avoid, though, is the 'banda' style of music popular with caballeros and working class folks. It's festive and energetic—completely overdone with heavy bass drum, tons of brass and crashing cymbals—and typically played at an unreasonably high volume from a car stereo worth more than the car itself. The car is often parked across the street from my house.

In the evenings, when I hit my banda limit, my solution is to go to iTunes, download some new music, and then bust out the miracle called BOSE QC2 noise-canceling headphones. And here's what I've been listening to lately...

     

Elbow/The Seldom Seen Kid ~ cooler than Coldplay, with a shade of Pink Floyd influence

INXS/Welcome to Wherever You Are ~ probably their least commercially successful album, but among their best

Dengue Fever/Escape From Dragon House ~ Cambodian pop meets surf guitar, or B-52s on psychedelics in Southeast Asia

Obama Nation

I've been watching live coverage on the computer for too many hours to now write something clever. It is 2:30am in Mexico. I have celebrated with some friends and the national agave beverage. I am tired and it's late, and it's raining. Off to bed. I'll dream of the rain washing away 8 years of the detritus of failed policies, vicious greed and shocking ignorance. 

Must be October

So here it is, and there it goes—the sun going down on my summer. The ball drops below the horizon, water temp drops about 6 degrees, and I drop out of California for about 7 months. I always have mixed emotions about this time of year (and this week, in particular) because one season ends and a new one begins. Bummed to be leaving, but stoked on where I'm going. The next dispatch (or the one after that) will be from Mainland Mexico. Please make sure Obama gets elected, or I swear, I'm not coming back.

McCain's Brain

Perhaps recently you've asked yourself... when he's out on his campaign, what goes on in McCain's brain? All the answers are right here. Five episodes, collect them all! 

"Mad shout outs to the crips, Northside, sweetside, rapscallions, the homosexuals, clam-bakers, hula hoop gang, and the radish brothaaahhhsss." — excerpt from episode #4

Pond Scum goes public

An adult libation of my own creation (formerly known as Pond Scum) has been picked up by Sayulita Fish Taco and we've rebranded it for release on their 2009 menu. Now called The Slater Snap, it celebrates Kelly Slater's new (9th) ASP World Title. And all you have to do to try it is book a flight to Puerto Vallarta, get a shuttle to Sayulita, and then walk over to SFT on the backside of the square. Or make them at home. Salud! and congrats to Slates.

Hey Joe . . .

Some guy—any guy—named Joe sure is popular in the McPain campaign. While Palin is flirting with Joe Six Pack, McCain tried to snuggle up to "Joe the Plumber" 21 times in Wednesday's debate. Joe Wurzelbacher of Ohio was an undecided voter who had a brief chat with Barack Obama on the campaign trial. Now he's an unwitting player in the presidential campaign. And he's getting his 15 minutes of fame, a Wikipedia entry and some unwelcome scrutiny from the IRS. Think he's stoked on McCain?

Now, the hard questions. Why, all of the sudden, is Joe the default name for 'average American guy'? What happened to John Doe and John Q. Public? Do they know they have been cast aside for Joe? Were they even offered a position on McCain's team before they were so ruthlessly kicked to the curb? And how does Joe Biden feel about Joe-Mania?

SNOWNORMOUS BROPIDITY

   

Summer is a wrap, and I know because the first issues of the 08/09 snowboard mags have started to find me. If you read snowboard magazines or are under the age of 20, you probably think that Lib Tech's Magne-Traction and Banana Technology are the pinnacle of product design in the wintery white world of shred. But you'd be wrong. Those aren't technologies—they're sales gimmicks to make new products seem, uh... new. But they are not even new, because Banana Technology (also known as 'rocker') already existed in 1979 when Tom Sims built oversized skateboards with swallowtails and rode them on snow, and because Magne-Traction (also known as 'serrated edge') has existed for hundreds of years, on steak knives.

And while a serrated edge is indeed superior for cutting things (such as wood and French bread) it is NOT superior to a smooth blade (or in the case of a snowboard, a smooth, sharp edge combined with camber) for carving a precise arc across the surface of snow at high speed. So then, what is Magne-Banana good for? It's good for making non-precise sliding turns and for not catching an edge when wood-box-boarding and metal-rail-riding... which are a big deal in snowboarding, still, and beg the question "Why not simply rename snowboarding pretend-skateboarding?" Cuz that's what you kids are doing, and by the by, that's cool with me. Keeps ya in the jib park.

Rock the casbah

Released just days ago, The Clash: Live At Shea Stadium is the first 'real' live album from "the only band that matters." In '99 they gave us From Here To Eternity, a compilation of live performances spanning several years and venues. This is very different, and long overdue: a complete set performance on the second and final night of the engagement as the opening act for The Who in front of 70,000 drenched fans; it was pouring rain. Yep, sounds like 1982. If you love The Clash, I don't even have to tell you what to do right now.

Addendum: I've been listening to it for about a week now, and I'm stoked. It's tight, energetic and, like the band itself, over too soon. Must-have for Clash fans.

Jane six pack

There weren't a lot of surprises in last night's second presidential debate. Barack Obama was confident and composed. John McCain was snide and shifty. Perhaps the shocker is that McPain didn't spontaneously burst into flames of rage while he watched the election slowly slip away from him, one voter, one mean-spirited comment, one straight up lie at a time. Don't cry Little Johnny... you can always go back to crashing planes and humiliating your wife for fun. And what of the Sarah-cuda? Oh, she was watching the debate on TV, one red state over, in a bar. Motherhood at it's finest.

Whaaa-BOOM!

 
That heavy thud you just heard was the door slamming shut on the World Championship aspirations of 43 of the top 44 WCT surfers. Kelly Slater is the slammer, now standing alone on one side of the door—World Champ for the 9th time—and 43 very talented but very frustrated surfers are on the other, probably muttering in disbelief "How can anyone be that good?"

With today's Round 3 heat victory at the Billabong Pro in Spain, Slater locked up enough points for World Title Number 9, a feat so unique and seemingly impossible, that his rivals don't know whether to drench him in beer or drown him in the shorebreak. As his performances this season have illustrated, he is still, at age 36, a competitive juggernaut. Overstatement? Hardly. The numbers draw a complete picture.

• Legendary WCT surfers Martin Potter, Occy, and Sunny Garcia have only managed one World Title each in their respective and celebrated careers. 
• Slater claimed his first crown in 1992, his sophomore year on tour, at age 20. He was the youngest ever to win the title.
• He skipped a beat in '93, then stacked up an incredible five in a row, from '94 to '98. Had he stopped there, the 'Greatest Surfer In History' hallmark was already upon him.
• He enjoyed semi-retirement from '99 to '02 and dated supermodels, while the rest of the WCT exhaled in relief and scrambled to fill the void.
• Slater rejoined the tour in '03, during Andy Irons ascension to 3X champ, and reasserted himself as king with his 7th and 8th titles in '05 and '06. 
• His 7th title in '05 made him the youngest AND oldest surfer (at age 34) to win a World Championship.
• He holds more individual event titles (39) and has earned more prize money—over $1.7 million written out on big, cardboard checks—than any other surfer in history.
• He has surpassed every competitive landmark formerly held by Tom Curren (3X World Champ and the previous 'Greatest Surfer Of All Time'). 
• In 14 years on tour, he has never finished a season ranked lower than 6th in the world.
• He is also the record 5 time Pipeline Masters Champion, with wins in '92 '94 '95 '96, and '99, and 2X Triple Crown Champion.
• In 2008, he has claimed a staggering 5 event titles and the crown. He is currently the second oldest surfer on tour. 

The names he is often likened to tell a story as well: Roger Federer. Tony Hawk. Tiger Woods. Michael Jordan. Lance Armstrong. 

Kelly Slater. The King. Again.

Last thing... rumor has it that if he can manage a 10th title, Quiksilver will bonus him $10 million. 

Have a rice day

October 1st is 'Sake Day' in San Francisco, and enthusiasts are hanging out at Fort Mason to sip and savor. SF's True Sake is the sponsor and if you can't make it to the event this evening, you can always go by the store in Hayes Valley at your leisure. There you'll find the best selection of sakes on the West Coast and friendly advice. Kampai!

Debate is ON!

JMc: "Daddy George, please don't leave me. I can't do this. I don't want to go to the debate. I'm scared!"

GWB: "There there now, little Johnny, you'll be alright. Just stick to yer talkin' points, like I always did. If they ask you something, you know, intellectualistic, then just remind them how terrible 9/11 was, and that we have to defeat the terrorists at all costs. OK Johnny? You can let go now. Johnny, let go... your sweatin' on me John..."

Meet The Press?

Well now, that was certainly worth waiting for. After successfully avoiding the media for weeks, Sarah Palin finally blurted out poorly memorized responses to exactly four queries from reporters, and the results were pretty much what you'd expect: soft questions, canned answers, mangled sentences, and blank stares. George? Is that you? Nice lipstick.

I don't know who to despise more... the rabid anti-choice gun nut Bambi killer VP wannabe, or the spineless, sleepy media sloths who forgot why they got into that business in the first place. The most valuable take-away from the exchange? Palin thinks that every student in America needs to drop what they are doing to visit the "community of New York" to pay their respects at Ground Zero.... lest they never forget what happened there, and to not repeat it. Yeah, she accidentally said that.

Obama. Obey. Oh boy.

Pop art icon Shepard Fairey of Obey Giant fame has designed some cool Obama stickers, available at Sticker Robot, a really nifty site (if you're into that sort of thing). You'll receive them just in time for the critical last weeks before the election that either gives us a ray of HOPE for the future, or a slap of McPain that will sting for at least four years. So... 'Barack' The Vote.

Save The Golfers

  
Here on the Peninsula, where the clean saltwater of the Monterey Bay Natl. Marine Sanctuary gently laps at the wedding quality white sand of Carmel and Pebble's Beaches, we take our environmental issues seriously. So when some wayward Red-shouldered Hawk thinks it's okay to intrude on the hallowed and protected grounds of Spyglass, Spanish Bay or the Pebble Beach Golf Links, and disturb golfers in their natural habitat... well, something must be done. Fortunately, the bird respected the boundary and moved on quietly without threatening these two fine gentlemen; no response was required. 

Also, odd rock formations have been found along local beaches and there's speculation that a hippy/artist organization is working subversively in the area, promoting serenity and quiet contemplation. Pebble Beach security is on heightened alert. (photos by Mom)

"Johnnie don't surf!"

   
But Barack does, the hard way—without a board. Check out the Hawaiian homeboy charging it in the shorebreak with classic form, commitment, and intense focus. Who would Lt. Colonel Kilgore vote for; fellow soldier McCain, or fellow surfer Obama? We know this... McCain can't raise his arms over his head. How is he supposed to 'claim it' after a nice, deep tube? Seriously though... McCain is a kook.

Kill bears, censor books, drill ANWR and teach creation?

Apparently, I don't know one single person who can come up with one single intelligent reason to support Sarah Palin's bid for the second highest office in the US. Everyone I know is scratching their heads and crooking their eyebrows and wondering if this nightmare can actually come true. Lets stop wondering and start worrying. Because look what happened last time we wondered a moment too long.

First, vote for Obama. Second... if YOU know somebody who thinks Palin might be a good VP—or far worse, President (should McCain um... expire)—then please enlighten them. TwoVoters.com has a library of easy-to-email high production quality one minute videos that will leave no one on the fence. Also, there's a pretty compelling list of reasons (and incriminating photos, oh boy!) that not only assert why Palin will make a TERRIBLE leader, but also support that she's a terrible person, who would rather shoot animals and burn books than travel abroad. She's G.W. Bush in a skirt... and potentially more dangerous than Bush and McCain combined. And she's my pick for 'Next Politician To Accidentally Shoot Someone In The Face'.

Palin bounce ruins my vacation

I go on vacation (complete with a media semi-blackout... hey, I was keeping busy in the city that never sleeps) and this is what happens? Ten days ago Sarah Palin was a joke of a newly named VP candidate—and barely a politician, for that matter. And now, McPalin and Obama are EVEN in the polls? WTF?! I'm sorry to be so self focused, but this is ruining the very recent happy memories of NYC sake bars and the world's finest tennis players doing battle on center court at the US Open in Flushing Meadows. We had really nice court-side seats, too. (sigh)

This photo is making the rounds on the internet, and my dead-eye Photoshop expert friend says he can't tell if it's faked or not. No matter. The concept that Palin is an armed, bikini-clad Bambi killer is certainly not in question. Be careful America... sometimes you get what you ask for. And you will certainly deserve it.

Staycation? Not a chance. Heading to NYC for the US Open, and four solid days of pro tennis spectator-ing with one Mr. Holden Hume. Hoping for a Nadal/Federer slugfest of a final, which will further lock them into a McEnroe/Borg-like rivalry for the next few years. Also hoping... to hit most of the Manhattan sake bars I've researched... to play tennis in Central Park... that there are fresh, hot bagels close to the hotel, and... that Liza Minnelli is NOT singing the national anthem on the evening of the finals. Again. Sorry, it's just TOO New York.

White shark at MBAQ: 4 for 4 since '04

For the fourth time, the Monterey Bay Aquarium has put a Great White Shark on display in their million gallon Outer Bay exhibit. Again, it's a juvenile taken off the coast of Malibu that they will likely release early in '09. The rumor is that this will be the last white shark on exhibit until 2011, as the Outer Bay will undergo remodeling in '09/10. The MBAQ is the only aquarium in the world that has ever successfully displayed, fed in captivity, and released a Great White back into the wild, and clearly, they are getting pretty damn good at it.

Surfing is officially ruined

  
It was the last remaining bastion of action sports originality. Snowboarding succumbed a long time ago with the invention of the terrain park—and my help, I might add. Now there are as many rail shots as powder shots in most snow mags, and that annoys me. Wakeboarding is nothing if not a bastardization of everything skate and snow. And you know the skate influence is out of control when FSMXers are doing front wheel manuals on boxes. But now surfing is ruined, too. 

And while surfing had been previously enlightened with skate-influenced airs via the Momentum Generation, the 'Rail of Death' is a step too far, a step too cruel, and well... that thing is just plain hideous and looks wrong on a beach. Thanks Transworld Pretend Skateboarding Empire, you've done it again.

Go slather yourself

I'm not sure if Lake Superior State University is actually redefining the classroom (as their website states) but they are taking a healthy shot at ridding the English language of a bunch of stupid phrases that most of us are sick of. If you pay even passing attention the media, then you hear phrases like "post-911" and "perfect storm" about a hundred times a day too many. Hence this list of words and phrases to be banned. I agree with most of them, and will be submitting my own suggestions... and you can play along here.  

From the 'Massive Overuse In Restaurant Menus' category, please banish forever: drizzled (drizzle is an effect of excessive moisture, not a method to apply toppings) and slathered (you slather on sunscreen, not butter). Why? Because it smacks of trying too hard to make food sound sexy. Because you'd never hear them in a busy kitchen. Can you imagine? "Pietro! Pass me the ladle, I have to do some drizzling!" The only chefs using these words either have a TV show or are taking themselves way too seriously; and usually both.

I am the customer. I don't want a bag.

  

It happened again. Some grocery store robot almost had to have his circuits rewired after I declined a plastic bag for my purchase. He got confused and gave it a second attempt. I declined again and so he put the unused plastic bag in the trash can under the check stand (which is of course, lined with a plastic bag) and in doing so, rendered my tiny act of environmentalism meaningless. Then he just stared down at his shoes, unsure whether to report me to the plastics industry or go on a smoke break.

Look kid, I know they tell you in training that you must force at least one plastic bag on every customer for every purchase, no mater how small or uncumbersome. I know they tell you that customers will get upset if they are not given a plastic bag. But I am the customer and I do not want a bag—for my single item, tile cleaner—and I WILL WIN this exchange. The plastic bag is not any easier to carry than the product itself. I have two completely functional hands. See the stupidity, stupid? And I don't want the damn receipt for $4.66, either. I am not going to return tile cleaner. Even if it doesn't work.

A dog named Booger, Part 2

   

Can it really get any weirder than the woman who sells her house to finance the cloning of her deceased canine, and then names one of the five new pups after herself? Yes, oh yes... it can get a whole lot weirder than that. Bernann McKinney, the obviously insane woman who made worldwide headlines two weeks ago is back in the spotlight—but the news isn't all cute floppy ears and cuddly puppy happiness. 

When it was suggested that she was the infamous Joyce McKinney, who fled the UK in 1977 after being accused of the abduction and rape of a fellow student, she originally denied the connection. But after being literally hounded (how appropriate) by media that she herself engaged, admitted that she is indeed Joyce Bernann McKinney... former Miss Wyoming, BYU drama student, nudie-mag model, stalker, fugitive and global troublemaker. In her defense, she snapped "I thought people would be honest enough to see me as a person who was trying to do something good..." Uh, yeah, because nothing says 'I've repented' like cloning your dog.